The
Sensational
Baby Sleep Plan

I have put together this straightforward, easy-to-follow plan based on my years of experience working with the families of newborns. It involves neither demand feeding nor a strictly regimented routine, but is a realistic plan that strikes a happy medium between the baby’s needs and the flexibility required in a busy family. The plan helps parents in today’s pressurized society to relax into parenthood with confidence and a growing understanding of all it entails.

I am fully aware that the existing government guidelines on feeding and babycare are set out to promote your baby’s health and wellbeing, but they are not always easy either to implement or to stick to. In an ideal world, we would all exclusively breastfeed, not work, stay at home, raise the perfect baby, have a ‘proper’ family unit, masses of help and support, and never be stressed or overtired. As this is not the case for most of us, my plan, although sometimes ‘bending the rules’ a little, is a down-to-earth and sympathetic approach designed to meet the needs of both parents and baby. It will work for all those who seek a practical and realistic method of babycare.

Sleep, or the lack of it, is probably the most widely written about and discussed topic within the entire range of babycare issues. ‘How do I get my baby to sleep through the night?’ is the most commonly asked question and sought-after solution among all those who are preparing for or have reached parenthood. It is a pity that such a negative attitude exists towards the whole issue of baby sleep: it suggests that you will have months, possibly years, of interrupted nights, leading to a sleep-deprived, stressful time rather than to an enjoyable, relaxed introduction to life as a family.

By reading this book and following my plan you will learn how to implement a flexible daily feeding and sleeping schedule that will result in your baby being able to sleep 12 hours through the night by around eight weeks old.

Why is this plan so successful?

There are many child- and babycare books on the market, each offering a different view on the best way of ‘bringing up baby’. There was even a television programme of that name, aired on Channel 4 in May 2008, which looked at four different methods of babycare and not only caused a great deal of controversy but, sadly, left many parents even more bewildered about what is the ‘right’ method to follow. I am loath to bring any more confusion into what seems to be the minefield of parenthood, but I have been persuaded to do so by the hundreds of families who have successfully used my plan. Of course, my plan is based on my own experience, research and opinions, and every parent should take time to consider all the babycare options available before deciding which one is best for them.

With such a lot of advice and help at your fingertips it might seem that parenting today should be an easy experience but, as most methods fail to take into account the individuality of both babies and parents, it can be difficult to adapt and use them within the reality of your own family life. My plan, however, will work for everyone and has already been used successfully by parents with very different circumstances:

Note: Throughout this book I refer at times to ‘a partner’, ‘your husband’ or ‘daddy’ without any intention of alienating single parents or those with other family structures. This plan will work for all, no matter what your individual circumstances.

Although the plan is designed to be flexible and encourages you to trust your instincts, it does set out an actual structure and gives step-by-step guidelines. When the word ‘routine’ is mentioned, many parents automatically think of a strict and prescriptive regime that must be followed to the minute without any deviation. While this is true for the well-known method of babycare set out in The Contented Little Baby book, the word ‘routine’ does not need to be interpreted in this way. If you analyse how most of us live, we do all follow a basic routine of sleep, get up, eat, wash, dress, etc., but with no two days ever being exactly the same and each person’s daily routine differing from another’s. This is just how it is with babies. They actually respond better if they have a basic routine which follows a particular sequence of daily events, albeit one that may vary slightly from day to day as it incorporates the flexibility of family life.

Many people think that a baby is unable to fall into any sort of routine until around two or three months old. However, I simply don’t believe this to be the case. In my experience, the sooner you put a structure in place, the easier it is for both you and your baby to enjoy life as you move through the first few weeks. Babies learn by association almost from the moment they are born, very quickly getting used to whatever is introduced and the conditions surrounding the way they feed and sleep, so whatever you implement in those first few weeks will become the norm for your baby. Trying then to change and introduce something different can often cause confusion and difficulties for both of you. This is why I advise using my plan from Day 1, or at least starting as early as possible.

I have devised the plan to meet all the natural feeding needs and sleeping patterns of any healthy newborn and parents are always amazed at how quickly and easily their baby fits into it – though do remember that all babies are individuals and some fall into the pattern with ease while others can take longer to settle down and need a little more prompting!

By following my plan you will quickly learn whether your baby is crying from hunger, tiredness or some other reason. You will be able to understand and respond to your baby’s needs quickly and with confidence, and this will have the knock-on effect of both you and your baby feeling calm, contented and reassured. Within a matter of weeks, as well as having structured daytime naps, your baby will happily go to bed and sleep from around 7pm until 7am without the need for nighttime feeds.

So far, I am happy to say that the feedback from people who have followed my plan shows a 100 per cent success rate – and I have even become known by many of them as the ‘Magic Sleep Fairy’! Granted, some families have encountered difficulties and setbacks, but all problems have been surmountable owing to the way the plan is formulated, as you will discover through reading this book.

Why have a routine?

As already mentioned, we all follow some sort of routine without even realizing it. Getting out of bed, washing, dressing, eating meals, going to work, taking children to school, shopping, cleaning and so on, right through to going to bed at the end of a day, are all little pockets of routine and within each we follow a similar sequence of actions. The actual events may not be exactly the same from day to day, but we still have our basic ‘routine rituals’ that keep us on track. If the pattern gets interrupted or disturbed it can throw us out of sync and make us forget for a moment what we should do next! Putting a similar basic daily feeding and sleeping pattern in place for a baby will give him^fn1 a sense of security and reassurance.

All babies learn by association. It is therefore important from Day 1 that your baby learns the right associations and how to differentiate between night and day, feeding and cuddling, playing and sleeping. By establishing my plan within the early weeks he will quickly begin to understand and accept the daily sequence of events with regard to his feed and sleep times. This introduces the boundaries which become the mainstay of life and will help to set the precedent for your future parenting. For instance, if from the start you introduce a set sequence of events at the end of each day, this will gradually become an accepted bedtime routine for many years to come.

It is often thought that young babies know or understand very little of what happens around them. I do not believe this to be true at all: in my opinion a newborn baby is like a sponge, soaking up the influences generated within his environment. Babies learn very quickly and do have minds of their own, often displaying their personality and indicating preferences within the first few weeks of life. It is important for us all to understand exactly how formative the first few years of life actually are. This is beautifully explained in a book called Why Love Matters by psychoanalytic psychotherapist Sue Gerdhart.¹ She explains how the human baby is the most socially influenced creature on earth, open from Day 1 to learning what his emotions are and how to manage them. This leads to our earliest experiences as babies having much more relevance to our adult selves than many of us realize. Sue Gerdhart also explores how the earliest relationship can shape a baby’s nervous system and how early interactions between babies and their parents will have lasting and serious consequences. She goes on to show how the emotional development of the brain determines future emotional wellbeing and studies the specific early ‘pathways’ that can affect the way we respond to stress and contribute to conditions such as anorexia, addiction and anti-social behaviour. In my opinion her work and her theories complement and substantiate my ethos and my plan as a sensible and practical approach to looking after your baby.

Implementing this flexible daily sequence of feeding and sleeping will quickly help to build your confidence as a new parent. Be prepared to trust your instincts, believe in your own judgement and enjoy the time you spend with your new baby.

Questions frequently asked about using a routine

Q Why should I follow a routine at all when many other advisers advocate demand feeding?

A It is entirely up to each individual to research and then choose their own method of parenting, and undoubtedly each method has its own merits. As you will see from my plan, daytime feeds are very much baby-led, but the decision of when to feed has to come from the parent and not the baby. This leaves parents feeling confident and in control. In my opinion, complete demand feeding is often unmanageable, as parents cannot take charge of their days but are controlled by the demands of the baby. Of course babies have needs which must be met, but if you always assume that need is only for food, then you will never learn to understand the other reasons why your baby may be crying.

Q I want to follow the ‘Continuum Concept’ for the first four months, then, because I have to return to work when my baby is six months old, I will need to put a routine in place. How can I achieve this?

A Recently there has been much discussion about this method of babycare. It suggests that you carry your baby in a sling all day, giving him unrestricted access to the breast, and that he sleeps in bed with you at night. A number of parents who use this method do find it works very well for them and fits comfortably into their lifestyle. However, in your case I would strongly advise you to rethink your parenting plan, because to have total contact with your baby for four months and then expect him to accept a complete change of lifestyle will probably be very distressing for both of you. For instance, after sleeping in your bed for four months he will find it difficult to adjust to sleeping in his cot away from your comforting presence. It will be possible to re-train your baby to accept these changes, but in my opinion it would be more realistic to choose a method that you can use from the start without the need for radical change some months later.

Q We live a very hectic life and travel extensively. How can we manage to put any routine in place?

A It will be important for your baby to have the security of a feeding and sleeping routine that you can adapt to the changes of your busy life. If you establish my plan within the early weeks, your baby’s body clock will be set for sleeping and feeding at regular times, which means that he will easily adapt to other environments. Obviously when travelling across time zones more adjustments will be necessary. For more information on travelling with your baby and how best to cope with time differences, see Chapter 3 (here) and Chapter 6 (here).

Q I work from home and was hoping to put my baby straight on to 4-hourly feeds so that I have more free time during the day. What is your advice on this?

A Some babies will readily accept 4-hourly feeds within the first few weeks, but in my experience the hour leading up to feed time is often spent trying to comfort your hungry baby, as a newborn’s natural digestive pattern is to feed every 3 hours. Also, putting your baby on a 4-hour feeding pattern too soon could mean that he is unable to take enough milk during the day and therefore may not settle well at bedtime, be hungrier during the night and need night feeds for a longer period of time. If you follow my plan which adopts a 3-hour daytime feeding pattern, it may be slightly more time consuming for the first few weeks, but by around eight weeks your baby could be sleeping 12 hours each night and could be down to 4-hourly feeds by twelve weeks, which in a shorter space of time will give you the freedom you need.

Establishing positive sleep habits and bedtime practice

Over the years, through observation, experience and research, it has become plain to me that young babies are, on the whole, capable of sleeping through the night by around eight weeks of age if the parents follow the simple guidelines detailed in this book. The sooner you start to implement this plan the better, as your baby will not have chance to form any negative sleep associations or bad habits, and will embrace his sleep times now and for many years to come rather than fighting against them.

It is essential for a baby’s cognitive and physical development to get enough rest. Without the right amount of sleep your baby may become irritable, fretful, fractious and difficult to feed. During adult sleep, restorative functions occur as the mind and body are given the chance to rest. The same applies to babies, but they also actually grow and develop while they are asleep and it is during this restful period that the majority of actual brain development takes place. In fact, recent research reported in Nature Neuroscience indicates that early brain development, learning and memory are all supported by good sleep nutrition, while sleep disruption has been linked to behavioural and emotional problems.²

Having worked with hundreds of parents who have implemented my plan, I have personally seen the positive results gained when babies actually get enough sleep within the first few weeks of life. These babies move through their toddler years and into childhood with a healthy, happy and ingrained ability to sleep, and, apart from occasional interruptions to their sleep pattern, continue to be sound sleepers. It is therefore vitally important to ensure that from the beginning your baby develops good sleep habits which you can begin to encourage through a regular bedtime routine and a structured sleep pattern during the day.

The following basic principles should help your baby to develop a healthy association with going to bed and sleep:

From the very early days you can start to put some simple procedures in place which your baby will come to recognize as the signals for bedtime. I advise you to introduce them within the first couple of weeks. A possible sequence might be:

Whatever steps you decide to introduce, do try to keep to the same sequence and, where possible, include a bath most evenings. Bathtime itself will become the focal point and signal for your baby that bedtime is approaching, and as the years go by this will become the accepted routine: going to bed follows bathtime each night.

Sleep cycles

Features of active sleep and quiet sleep
Active sleep	Quiet sleep
Flickering eyelids or even eyes partly open, although your baby is actually still asleep.	Unlikely to be any noticeable eye movement and his eyelids will remain closed.
Arms and legs may twitch or move spasmodically and he may move his head from side to side.	He will be very still with little or no movement of limbs or head.
Breathing may be rapid and irregular and at times he will be taking only small, shallow breaths.	His breathing will become slow, regular and deep.
Facial expressions may change and he may appear to be frowning or smiling.	His whole appearance will be calm and relaxed as he is deeply asleep.

There are two types of sleep: rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and non-rapid eye movement (non-REM) sleep. REM sleep is also known as ‘active sleep’ and non-REM sleep as ‘quiet sleep’. The table on the previous page shows what you might expect to see in your baby during each phase.

The different periods of active and quiet sleep are known as ‘sleep cycles’ and they are evident in your baby from birth. In adults each sleep cycle runs for approximately 90 minutes, whereas in babies a cycle lasts for around 40 minutes. The first cycle after falling asleep is active sleep, followed by a cycle of quiet sleep, and these continue to alternate throughout the night. As adults we have become used to our sleep patterns and most of us are not aware of the differing cycles through which we pass, but babies who have not yet learned the art of sleep are very sensitive to their sleep cycles. They will often wake after their first 40-minute cycle and can be heard to moan, whimper or even cry for a few minutes before settling themselves back into the next quiet cycle.

These cycles also occur during a baby’s daytime naps and it is then even more important to leave him to re-settle himself into quiet sleep without your intervention, thus encouraging structured daytime naps. A baby who does not get enough sleep during the day will become overtired and irritable and this will then hinder his ability to settle down to sleep for the night.

Because a baby learns by association, if he is given immediate attention when he stirs throughout his sleep he will not be able to develop the ability to re-settle himself after waking during his natural sleep cycles.

One of the more common problems which parents ask me to solve is that their baby will sleep for only 40 minutes at a time, especially during the day. To encourage him to develop a positive sleep pattern, if your baby does wake and cry out after he has been asleep for 40 minutes or so, try to be patient and leave him for a few minutes to see if he will settle himself back to sleep. I do appreciate that this is one of the hardest things to do for any new parent, as your natural instinct is to comfort your baby as soon as he stirs, but if you can manage to follow this advice the rewards will soon be evident and your baby will be able to sleep for as long as he needs.

This rule applies to both daytime naps and nighttime sleeping and it can be hard to follow in either case, but for different reasons:

Daytime naps

Nighttime sleep

Questions frequently asked about sleep

Q I have been given a lovely mobile to go over the cot. What is your advice on using these?

A I have always been amazed at the number of toys and cot mobiles on the market today that are advertised as ‘sleep aids’ for babies. In fact I have found nearly all of them to be more stimulating than soothing, which means they may have the adverse effect of keeping your baby awake rather than helping him drift off to sleep. Another possible problem is that if your baby gets so used to hearing and watching a mobile as he does go to sleep, he will very soon rely on it as a ‘crutch’ for sleep and throughout his natural night-waking in the early weeks he may need it turned on again and again. See Chapter 3 for further information on sleep associations.

Q Surely my baby will just fall asleep when he is tired, so why do I need to follow any set sleep routine?

A It does seem to be a crazy phenomenon that babies will not just fall asleep when they are tired, but in my experience they simply do not! Sleep does not seem to come naturally to them and, having been ‘nocturnal’ in the womb, after birth they actually have to learn the art of sleeping. Babies who become overtired find it even harder to fall asleep and this can easily become a vicious circle of baby being overtired but still unable to sleep well. In order to encourage their sleep patterns to develop, I believe it is necessary to provide suitable surroundings, regular feeds and a simple bedtime routine. Babies do need a lot of sleep in the early months, and they need to sleep during the day as well as at night, so my advice is to have some structure to each day which will lead to regular nap times. You can achieve this by following the plan set out in this book.

Q I have a very noisy house with two older children, a dog and a husband who is an avid and vocal football supporter. How can I expect my new baby to sleep through any of this?

A Many parents worry that ordinary daytime noise will wake their baby during nap times, but actually this is rarely the case. Your baby will already have become accustomed to the noises within your home while he was in the womb, therefore after he is born he should not be too disturbed by them when he is sleeping. Obviously it is advisable to tone down excessive noise where possible and it helps if you put the baby in his room and close the door for nap times. Many parents go to unnecessary lengths to reduce or eliminate the sounds that are normally heard in their environment while their baby is sleeping, but it is not essential to do so and there need not be any restrictions on your daily way of life.

Sleep deprivation in babies

Very few people realize that babies can actually suffer from sleep deprivation. It is estimated that half of all infants in Western societies are getting less sleep than they should – usually falling short by at least 2 hours in every 24 (see Chapter 3). According to the Sleep in America Poll, carried out annually by the National Sleep Foundation task force, the rate of sleep deprivation has increased in recent years and is a trend that continues to climb.³

This comes as no surprise to me: I have encountered first-hand the increasing numbers of parents who are seeking help to get their babies sleeping through the night. They often contact me at the point of sheer exhaustion and complete desperation after months of little or no sleep because their babies continually wake throughout the night. I believe that sleep problems in babies are escalating due to a number of factors:

It has long since been proved that sleep deprivation in babies takes a toll on their development and, if not resolved, sleep disturbances that start in infancy can continue into late childhood. A long-term study in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry shows how infants who suffered from chronic sleep deprivation were much more likely at five and ten years old to be still suffering from sleep problems than were children who slept well as babies. This lack of sleep has a knock-on negative effect on their physical and emotional health and also on their behaviour as they grow up. See Chapters 3 and 6 for further information on sleep deprivation and its effects.

Sleep deprivation in parents

It is estimated that as adults we spend one third of our lives in bed, though the amount of sleep an adult needs does vary from person to person and also from one developmental state to another. According to researchers, an adult needs on average around 7.5–8 hours of unbroken, good-quality sleep each night. When a new baby arrives, the parents’ sleep is inevitably disrupted and it is estimated that they can easily lose about 200 hours of sleep during their child’s first year.

Long-term sleep deprivation can have far-reaching effects on our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Symptoms include:

Looking at that list, it is a wonder that anyone who suffers from any of the symptoms of sleep deprivation can ever manage to look after themselves – let alone a new baby!

I would like to emphasize here the importance of the last point: the increased risk of experiencing some form of depression. Sleep deprivation is actually a major factor in post-natal depression (PND). Thankfully, many mums with whom I have worked who were either displaying symptoms of or had been diagnosed with PND gradually began to see an improvement in their symptoms as the sleep issues with their babies were resolved and everyone was able to get some much-needed rest. See also Chapters 3, 6 and 7 for more on sleep deprivation, sleep-training and reflux.